its been a long long time since i last blabbed here. alot have had happened. haha...the usual wild fantasies, loftiness, bad-ass attitude and temper. alot of these have been flyin around lately, so it seems nearly impossible to write all of them down.

really need to GND myself abit. to discharge somewhere somehow. now still fretting over the global re-position referencing for Zer0. its looking up. hope i can implement it for the upcomin SRG.

sometimes not everything goes your way...oh well...back to the boards.

finally...seated again in front of my computer. the worst seems to be over.

the past few days has been quite a living hell for my mind. consistent on the edge to keep deadlines and promises, not to even mention doin the programming for the ART PBL. well, time is drawing near. thursday is jus around the corner, ART PBL is about up. still no show.

bleak entry...AREGHHH.

life IS NOT BLEAK!!!! I CHOSE THIS PATH...every mortal should be responsible for the decision that he/she makes!! i have decided to not lead a bleak path AND i have chosen this way into the Automation and Robotics industry. I SHALL STICK TO MY WAY and PATH!

LET NOT minor bumps on the road bring me to the depths. let the minor bumps bring out my better, more refined self~

today, woke up with an outcry from my body to rest. didnt even feel like waking up. hrm...currently, flu-ing(means that having flu currently). didnt have a good sleep. the only thing i thought of before sleep was Mr Sunharto's micromouse program. the only thought i woke up with is ALSO his program.

why am i looking at his program? Mr Sunharto is another lecturer at alpha centre. he is renowned to own the micromouse competition with the shortest time possible. o.0" imagine that! looking through his program has definitely brought new heights to how i look at stuff, logically.

why does his program have such importance to occupy my brain? like i have said, i have to complete my ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) PBL(problem based learning). it is to do up something similar to Mr Sunharto. my project consist of a micromouse who goes into a maze to find all the black tapes on the side of the wall of the maze. after the mouse have found all, the mouse would be required to display the number of black tape found as well.

current progress: shld be able to come up with something by today.

notice that alot of things are starting to go downhill.

it seems like the JC days again. whereby, i am again caught up in all the school work, projects and assignment to hand in. arrghh...something MUST BE DONE. EXTREME MEASURES~!

nothing have been done for the ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) PBL(problem based learning). yet to test the sensors, dun even know the syntax for the programming. and everything is due at next week's presentation.

as for Zer0, next week is the last week to do anything else for it before the 3rd and last review. and i do mean the programming. also have yet to figure out the syntax for it as well.

not to mention the line-up of tests, assignments(even from my inter-discipline module MQE[MindQuest for Excellence]) going to break out soon. and i do mean into half. this situation is totally similar to the one i had at JC. guess wat, the outcome wasnt favourable and sweet. so i shall survive this period...somehow.

currently, seated at home.

last nite, while i started to work on my feng shui arrangement for 2006, i discovered something astonishing. oh...maybe i should cover why i was doing my feng shui arrangement for 2006.

as everyone knows, 2006 is the year of the Dog. since i was born on the year of the Dog, this means that 2006 i will 犯太岁. for those who are still ignornant heres the brief overview. in every year, there will be a presiding 太岁(aka lord). this 太岁 is considered the lord as least for that year he presides. Each 太岁 will take turn to preside and altogether there are 12 of them. within that year, all those people who were born under the same horoscope as 太岁 will be deemed as being insolent to 太岁. hence the term 犯太岁. there are actually a few more ways to offend the 太岁, but it does lead to any good ending. 太岁 is usually revered as the one who handles everyone's luck within the year that he presides. so in order to get to his good side, there are 2 ways the Chinese have had developed.

1) at the beginning of that year, pray and give offerings to the 太岁 that is goin to preside and which you have offended through 犯太岁

2) there is actually something terribly wrong about your personal feng shui and needs to be adjusted.

haha...since i will 犯太岁 on 2006, i have decided to take the 2nd option and hope for the best. thus i was looking through my personal feng shui. and guess what i found? hmmph...it seems that THERE IS something terribly wrong with my feng shui. its drawing up quite a fair bit of loneliness, accidents, misfortune and impedance in career. everything seems so crystal clear right now.

kinda of explains the past few post of loneliness cries. heres the apologies to all those that have companied me through that period. i was my fault for not keeping my feng shui in check. the impedance in career also kinda of explains my recently poor attitude and carelessness in my studies. arrghh!!! AND i am goin to put a stop to all this...

i know its not good to blame and point fingers. oh well~ i need an outlet to vent :)

now working hard to regain my feng shui...

i am back here again. back here to lament and complain about my life. back here to lament and complain about ... loneliness

it has struck again. once someone told me that what you focus on expands. i guess i am too focus to put loneliness behind that eventually i made it a much bigger problem than i have realised.

i wish to have someone to live on the green meadows jus on the cliff overlooking the sea. in the morning, we would watch the sunrise and listen to the sea wash the shore. in the hot afternoon, we would bathe and enjoy ourselves in the sea. when night fell, we would lay on the wide meadows counting each and every stars. we could tend to a small bed of flowers and relax the days that pass us by.

what i need is more than jus bestiary pleasures of the body. what i need is someone whom i can talk to. someone whom i can resonant my thoughts with. someone whom i can share my days and woes with. someone whom is willing to let me be a part of her life.

can there be one who can satisfy this? am i asking for too much? for the though of this loneliness is purely devasting. when you cry over spilt milk, the crying helps to allievate the guilt away. however, what do you do when you are lonely? can the company of friends do any good? i wished and hoped that the company of friends could be an alternative source. however, the 'agony' is still there, nothing resolved

in art of war, one of the worst case scenario is when your troops are attacked when you are halfway acrossed the river. in such situation, the general usually has to decide between retreating back to the bank his troops left, or make it to the other side, or staying put and fight. all decisions has its con weighing heavily down on the commander and his troops.

hence my situation. while crossing the river of life, i am attacked by loneliness. do i continue crossing the river? or do i wait for the reinforcement(the solution to loneliess) to arrive?

we have been on quite talking terms. i am basically not ashamed nor held back when talkin to her. it was only recently that i felt that i am slowly withdrawing from her. i seem to mind what she does, who she meets, what she says or even mind that she's not around sometimes. i guess i withdraw because i felt afraid. afraid of what might be? afraid of? afraid of my inadequate, in short inferiority complex. what i ask for now is a sign. a visible sign to continue to hem and haw or to take the great leap forward.

made some changes today...actually made one change today.

started to converse more with huiling, as advised from a fren. although still cant remove that mental restriction of talkin to her. oh well, its a start anyway. why the change? no idea. who made you made the change? not important anymore since the change has already begun. how did the change begin? never begun but catalyse started by a fren. when did it begun to change? just a few moments ago. what changed? nothing i hope. however, things are not always within control and expectation.

i guess its now quite official. i have been branded as the senior consultant and advisor by huiling. seems that she appreciates the deep thought i have, the advice that i give and remembers them all by hard. wa...such sincerity, i guess it can pretty much move mountains and sea, much less my unfeeling heart. she really knows how to make moves man. i might be checkmate within another short period of time, you never know. hmmm...and it all begun with my hahas' and oh oks'

it really feels so good to be appreciated and held in awe for once, at least once in a lifetime. haha...stupid male ego workin my brains again...hahahaha...

before that i was talkin to my dad about the chapter on Tolerance which i jus studied in Mechatronic System Design. haha...being a precision engineer himself, he jus went on and on about his work. he even took out some drawings he got off his hands, jus to scare my bloody brains out. the drawings look out of this work, not to mention the terrible printing and bad choice of fonts(which confuses readers between '5' and '6').

i was really not very in the mood and apitude to listen to him. however, i jus stayed. well, you never know when new things might jus pop, although i dun quite understand the stuff that is already spewing from dad's mouth. haha...but one thing that i have learnt. dad's life lesson are never to be taken lightly. you might not be able to get his point or understand his lessons, later in life you will realise for sure that he was right. haha...i think i have inherited his style of thinkin WAY ahead of everyone, and sometimes, TOO AHEAD.

dun ask me how or why i write...but i jus feel like writing...

although i cant proclaim that i have found the secret of life, but i can safely say that at least i know what i am born to do. to think, ponder, analyse and conclude.

ever since the MindQuest for Excellence module in Ngee Ann Poly 2005, i know my life has somehow changed. in MindQuest for Excellence module, Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP) was taught. in NLP, i learnt that the brain had 2 parts, the conscious and the sub-conscious. the more intriguing part was not that fact, however, it was that the conscious mind actually had to lead and guide the sub-conscious mind. reason?

the sub-conscious(subC) mind and the conscious(C) mind was made different. the subC was made more to multi task, work holistically, think in terms of intuition and store information. the C was however, more in tuned to think linearly or singularly(depending on different individual), analyse and place judgement.

all my life, i thought that it was my subC whom i should listen to. i was wrong. the subC cannot make judgement calls like the C can. the subC also has the inability to analyse any situation or problem. so in NLP, we were taught that the C shld be the master of our lives. and since C has a memory problem, therefore, it is imperative that we remember ourselves the directions or goals that we wish to head. i had no problems with all that information up till then. well not at least my subC started to think.

i realised that the key point i have been missing out is that i still dun understand myself. to fully understand myself i will have to make myself fully conscious of all my actions, behave and reactions. which also means that i will have to analyse my subC using my C. come to think of it, in my life till now, my C wasnt fully responsible for most of the actions, behaviour or reactions. it was my subC that was mostly responsible. most of my actions, behaviour and reactions were instinctive, something my subC was really good at.

for the benefit of those who are truly deeply lost in my thoughts, here is a simplified version. think of the brain as a computer. there are 2 parts to this computer, the conscious(C) and the sub-conscious(subC).

for example, at a subC level, the computer will draw electricity as would i draw breath. the computer at a subC level, will carry out all previously scheduled anti-virus checks, port checks and list goes on. drawing parallel, my body at a subC level, also does bacteria and viral checks, if such is found, my body reacts with either flu, fever, or antibodies.

for example, at a C level, the computer will react to whatever reactions it recieves from its users. liken to me, i will react to people once i am peeved or once i am ignored, or even when i am threatened.

so the point here that i am trying to make is that, i find it imperative to understand the programming of the subC of our brain. this is, i feel, the reason of life. the reason why humans keep reproducing children and the reason why humans record their knowledge.

o~~~came back and settled down in front of my laptop.

came back from cycling and kayaking in East Coast. haha...today is supposed to be a school day. However, since tomorrow is a public holiday, i have self declared a holiday for myself. yea~~~

cyclin was to urge my itch for cyclin and well kayaking was to try something new. haha...kayaking was fun and easy to pick up. oh, pointers for those first-timers, try not to get sea water into your eyes. it gets pretty irritated, i mean the eyes. although i had wanted to kayak as long as possible. i got super exhausted within the first hour of the rental already. phew~ and now i look like some lobster. still got this wavy shaky feeling of being seated in a SOT(sit on top) kayak.

haha...on this trip, sometime struck my brain. haha...it was that everyone of us actually had the capacity. however, it is jus stored in the great big vault of sub-conscious. as i have noticed that, our brain will sometimes quite instincitve do something to react to certain information obtained by the brain. i hope that i can bring more of these sub-conscious thoughts into the conscious analysis.

till now...my brain has already gone into several periods of 'off' mode and sleep...so i guess i had better to...

here i am...relative to the past few post, i would say its been a looong time.

significant things happen to me every now and then. oh...you dont believe? hehe...anything is significant if you know what you can learn from it. although alot happens in daily life, i am sometimes not even compelled to write them down. due to the fact of butterfly effect. however, i shall as clearly as possible and as accurately as possible, put into words the significant events that i can really write about.

thursday, was quite a disappointment. actually had plans to watch the latest movie by Tsui Hark, Seven Swords. ended up being all alone. haha...well not exactly there. in the end met up with benny and kumar. had a hell of a time. :)

friday, which was yesterday, mirgraine. bad sign. mirgraine does let me become another person. haha...like Jekyll and Hyde, only not so extreme in character. oh, jus started READING habit. yes, i didnt type wrong and you didnt see wrong. i READ other than astrology books, now. started with the graphic novel League of Extrordinary Gentlemen. haha...not exactly anything to rave about, but its goin to improve...i hope.

another discovery i made during these few days. it seems that when you start to like an individual, you tend to focus on that person. you will keep that person so in focus that everything that individual does becomes unbearable. every little and minute detail is carefully scrutinised, analysed and hated over and over again. or is it jus me?

everything is going quite smoothly. takin on a few projects lately. first its Zer0, next is the Tan Kah Kee Award project that i am still trying to embark and third a presentation for a Green Project.

everything for Zer0 is about done. mechanical design and PCB(printed circuit board) design. the things to do now is to construct the physical body, send the PCB design to be fabricated and start programming.

as for the Tan Kah Kee Award project, i still need to carry out some experiments before i start. starting to become a drag and burden, need desperate motivation.

the Green Project, is actually a joint project with a few other courses. wei yi and i have be selected to present it. now in the midst of understanding the program codes, which is all written in Ladder Diagram(a programmin language used in PLC[Programmable Logic Controller]). not that i am too full of myself, but i think that the codes can be better. so now in the midst of understanding and improvin the codes.

jus as i am about to give everything up, stuff always happen. suddenly, i grown so intelligent about the the affairs of the heart.

jus as i was walkng back, my brain suddenly short-circuited. then comes the question. how does one know that a person of the opposite sex is in fact interested in you? it jus suddenly occur to me that there is an analogy in electrical world.

ever wonder how a computer know when is it a 1 and when is it a 0? by referencing it with Ground(GND) or digital ground(AGND). a subtraction is done with the unknown and the reference, GND. thus if, the result is closer to the reference, then its considered 0, else consider 1. hahaha...the above is actually a simplified theory of what actually goes on. so pardon my lack of detailed knowledge.

anyhow, back to topic. so how do you know if someone is interested in you? through the Difference! he/she will be treating you quite differently. so by noticing these changes a clear 'signal' can be obtained. however, do watch out. even in electrical world, the reference can also be unstable due to noise. hence, the Difference might not be so easily recognised. beware.

haha...in that light, to woo or to go after someone of the opposite sex, create the Difference. that is where the normal you comes in. she will have to get used to that normal you and verify it as your 'reference' behaviour. once she recognise that as the YOU, Difference can start to be created. simple? well, whats not easy with words?

shld i preserve to keep my head above dark murky water(affairs of heart) and all else? haha...maybe i shld ask the person who always keep asking me to perserve. haha...yar i think that person know who she is.