i tried to get her to come for my uncle's bday dinner. she agreed to it.
i admit. i was still very amateur about the whole dating after breakup. i realised it afterwards that i shldnt have done it. to make it a clean breakup and start facing up to the fact. i didnt tell her not to come, since she already agreed.
in the end, there was no sign of her. no sms, nothing to explain or even to say that she might not make it. i was mad at abt the whole agreed-and-didnt-meet-the-promise. she damaged my trust and faith in her.
the dinner was scheduled at 1900. i tried to msn her, when i saw her online at around 1800...but she didnt reply.
remembering that we are no longer together, i ignored all efforts to get her. i would have no authority to ask about where she was or whether she might be still coming. but our 1st day as frens, she had already disappointed me. did she forget? only she knows. its around 2330 and not a word.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
that day has finally came. i initiated the breakup. reason: not because i ceased to love her or vice versa. there are no 3rd party. there was no impulse nor quarrel. we were still very in love...
...
today we were suppose to celebrate our day(21st of every month). i delibrated abt the decision to breakup with her. i almost couldnt bring up the topic. her every move, her smile, her look and that thing abt her, hesitated my previous steadfast resolute.
since last week, i have went into serious thinking and consideration about a certain issue that had, is and will shroud our relationship. Religion. she insisted that i have to be of the same religion as her, for her set of reasons. to me, it seems more of a criteria of her mother.
she was never the person to insist on things throughout the relationship. we have been through quite some quarrel because of religious issue as well. thats why, i knew it was important to her. so now i had to make the call.
i have always been under that religion's influence since young(relatively speaking), though both my parents or my relatives were not from that religion. you can call it fate, but it jus didnt strike me as it had impacted others. i still persisted in my own line of thot abt religion.
it was jus a medium or instrument. in guiding the mass, to follow a certain protocol of good values. although the protocol may vary from one religion to another, it was generally towards a universe goodness of man. it was a source of relief for weary men who go through ups and downs in the path of good.
i am not saying that i am above anything. but i believe that as long as i can keep to the universal ethics of goodness, that would suffice. religion would still have my respect, but i cant choose one particular school of teaching and proclaim it better than others. since the ultimate goal is the same, for the betterment of man.
i was thinking up all possiblities. even the thought of asking her to take off with me. however, it would mean that she would have to choose between me and her mother. i cant put her in that situation, its jus not my style. hence, i choose for her...for us.
i was bothered by it for an entire week, up till the today. i was so sure that it was a silly decision, to breakup because of religion. the one thing in the world that promoted peace, love and harmony, is actually working against its own founding principles. days gone by and i have often wondered abt death. that might bring another ending to the whole situation, where me and her are still a couple and religion will not come between us.
when i told her about it. she went all silent. it was the moment she had been waiting for not with anticipation or excitement but with dread and unwillingliness. she persisted asking me if i could take up her religion. that was the only way she saw. cos we are still in love.
if today had never happen, i might have proposed to her on some other 21st some years later. waiting for her at the other end of the red carpet. putting the right sized ring for her. waiting for her to say "i do".
but all i am left with is the memory of today. the walkin away in different direction.
it will never be the same again
...
today we were suppose to celebrate our day(21st of every month). i delibrated abt the decision to breakup with her. i almost couldnt bring up the topic. her every move, her smile, her look and that thing abt her, hesitated my previous steadfast resolute.
since last week, i have went into serious thinking and consideration about a certain issue that had, is and will shroud our relationship. Religion. she insisted that i have to be of the same religion as her, for her set of reasons. to me, it seems more of a criteria of her mother.
she was never the person to insist on things throughout the relationship. we have been through quite some quarrel because of religious issue as well. thats why, i knew it was important to her. so now i had to make the call.
i have always been under that religion's influence since young(relatively speaking), though both my parents or my relatives were not from that religion. you can call it fate, but it jus didnt strike me as it had impacted others. i still persisted in my own line of thot abt religion.
it was jus a medium or instrument. in guiding the mass, to follow a certain protocol of good values. although the protocol may vary from one religion to another, it was generally towards a universe goodness of man. it was a source of relief for weary men who go through ups and downs in the path of good.
i am not saying that i am above anything. but i believe that as long as i can keep to the universal ethics of goodness, that would suffice. religion would still have my respect, but i cant choose one particular school of teaching and proclaim it better than others. since the ultimate goal is the same, for the betterment of man.
i was thinking up all possiblities. even the thought of asking her to take off with me. however, it would mean that she would have to choose between me and her mother. i cant put her in that situation, its jus not my style. hence, i choose for her...for us.
i was bothered by it for an entire week, up till the today. i was so sure that it was a silly decision, to breakup because of religion. the one thing in the world that promoted peace, love and harmony, is actually working against its own founding principles. days gone by and i have often wondered abt death. that might bring another ending to the whole situation, where me and her are still a couple and religion will not come between us.
when i told her about it. she went all silent. it was the moment she had been waiting for not with anticipation or excitement but with dread and unwillingliness. she persisted asking me if i could take up her religion. that was the only way she saw. cos we are still in love.
if today had never happen, i might have proposed to her on some other 21st some years later. waiting for her at the other end of the red carpet. putting the right sized ring for her. waiting for her to say "i do".
but all i am left with is the memory of today. the walkin away in different direction.
it will never be the same again
